Want to know a secret? I have always had these childhood dreams of being a majorette, a tap dancer or an aerialist/trapeze artist. When I learned that the cute majorette white boots with tassels had to be paired with a musical instrument, my baton-twirling days came to a screeching halt. My infatuation with back patent tap shoes lingered right up to junior high when I realized that my lack of rhythm and coordination likely would keep me off the Broadway stage. However, I held on to the dream of being an aerialist far longer. Who wouldn’t want to fly through the air with the greatest of ease?

No engine, no wings, no propellant of any kind—just daring courage and enough velocity to propel one’s body through the air—and an aerialist takes science on a flying trip. Now there’s a career in the making! As well-trained athletes, aerialists or trapeze artists seem willing to risk everything to amaze the world. Calculating just the right moment to let go of the security of their trapeze, they seem eager to leave behind anything that encumbers their soaring through the air.

Yes, this is a lovely dream. A dream which includes a large amount of work to achieve the flawless leap of faith that allows an aerialist to let go and seemingly fly. How many false starts did she experience before the aerialist knew the exact moment to let go? Were there times, frozen in fear, she responded to her doubts and never let go of the trapeze at all? During practice did she sometimes let go and jump off too early, and in a frightening and unexpected free fall, end up in a puddle on the safety mat?

How many practice leaps did it take her to learn to trust her own abilities and those of the catcher? Did she track how many times a day she questioned her own abilities to the point where she refused to let go and jump at all? The realist in me asks these questions, and my thoughts of swinging on a trapeze for a living usually become as distant as those about black patent tap shoes.

That is until recently when after decades of living a relatively quiet but very rewarding life filled with family, ministry, and career, I find myself thinking about those artists in the air again. I’m nearly nine years into retirement; closing in on three years of widowhood; and, reaching nearly two and a half years of settling into a new home and city.  And, here I am, once more exploring what it would take to throw mediocracy to the curb while I let go and find ways to embrace the senior adult version of flying through the air with the greatest ease.

Let me assure you (and my family!) It is very unlikely that you’ll ever see me anywhere near a trapeze. My severe acrophobia  (fear of heights) keeps my feet firmly planted on solid ground. However, I’m still drawn to this kind of daring, risk-taking living…the ability to get from one place to another with pazazz, and to finish a performance with courage, agility, and skill. In my estimation, I want all of this woven into my life in my homestretch, especially the pazazz and the courage.

I think I’m also looking for my old sense of adventure and daring. Here in my homestretch, I’m wondering again about what soaring to a strong finish might look like. I think of the aerialist and what she has to let go of to fly and my list is similar to hers. To gain back my ability to truly fly…to live the life I believe God has for me, I know I have to let go of:

Fear—Stepping out in faith and taking God at His word might feel like the scariest proposition we ever took on. Yet, living the grace-filled abundant life Jesus promised requires that we face our fears. We are challenged to trust God to catch us and keep us safe on the road home. We also trust that He will give us what we need to live the life He has planned for us. Isaiah 41:10…”So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

False expectations—I know that I go back and forth with wanting God to do everything possible to make my life run smoothly, and expecting Him to never give me more than I can handle. That expectation is wrong as it can be. It’s never been about what I can handle, but what God can handle. Philippians 4:13…”I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

A faulty sense of timing—Concerns about life being over for us can haunt every decision we make. We’re not finished and God is NOT finished with us just because we turn 50 or 60 or 80. Flying and living the abundant life right up to our last breath is not only a possibility, it is a promise. Romans 8: 38-39…”For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Past failures and sin—Keeping our eyes turned back towards what’s behind us can certainly obstruct or affect our entire vision. Because of grace, when we trust Jesus as our Savior, all these things are forgiven and forgotten by the Lord. We’re the only ones holding on to them. Isaiah 46:4…”Even to your old age and gray hairs I am God, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

After re-examining my youthful dream, I realize that letting go and flying takes courage and action. It means facing fears, giving the Lord our lives, and releasing the control over all parts of it. At times all of this seems just a bit more challenging than I thought it would be. Sometimes we have to decide what things have to be let go, burned, buried, given away, dealt with, and settled before we can embrace that promised abundant life. Letting go takes work. However, I see more clearly than ever that after we do the work, that’s when we’re actually living our strong finish and flying for real.

Ready to join me in flying and rocking our brave, bold, bodacious lives on the road home? I’ll be watching for you, ready with a standing ovation!

MAKING IT PERSONAL: What were your personal childhood dreams? How have your childhood dreams impacted your grown-up life?